Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
