yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize