gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize