just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
