Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
