margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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