Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
