It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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