hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
