I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
