if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
