best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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