You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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