Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
