Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
