I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
