oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Of course I have a pirate flag
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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