A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
