I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
