My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
