it was like his penis was on wheels.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
