Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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