I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
