i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
