I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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