How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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