You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
