Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
