his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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