Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
