I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
this is an emotional support booty call
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
