I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
