Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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