Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
