Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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