Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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