White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
