long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
