they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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