Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize