i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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