Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
is that a dick in a sweater?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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