do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
