Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
