Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
