I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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