he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
