He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
