They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
No subtext here. People are naked.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
