if you like me you must not know who I am
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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