If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
