You made me cry and you don't even care
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
