i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
