i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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