So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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