I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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