I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
