In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
