OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize