I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
