i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
