I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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