New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize